What happens if my child is an only child?

I have been wanting to write this post for the longest time. How strange it is that in Singapore when you are 20, people would usually ask if you have a boyfriend? When you are 25 they begin to ask you when are you getting married? When you are married, they started to ask you when are you planning to give birth? Lastly (BTW how can this be the last question) when you have given birth to the first, they start to bug you on whether or not you plan to try for a second one? The funny thing is that these people seem to have never ending questions to ask... just like the never ending song.....Even if you have you 3 or more children they will still ask you crazy questions like "Don't want to try for the 4th or the 5th one, closing your workshop right?" duhz.....then follow by the ever cliche statement "Ya it's difficult to raise too many children in SG these days" Come on!!! WE MOTHERS ARE VERY SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING AND ANSWERING THE SAME OLD QUESTIONS!!!!

Whahahaha! Okay I know I am mean..... I guess they are just finding topics to kick off a conversation :p

So my post today is what happens if my child is an only child?

I have heard several "guru" encouraging me to try for a second one......Yea yea I do know the benefits of having more than one.... Trust me, I seriously do......How can I not know? Over the years, I have taught so many students who have siblings and those who don't  and of course I can tell the distinct differences in them but when things happen to your own child it's just different......you know what I mean right?

I am just wondering  if you are a mum (like me) who only have one child......do you often hear sweeping statements like these too?

The most FAMOUS one......

1) Your child will be lonely....and when she is a little older you will feel it......She will start talking to herself (which is already happening to Le Xin) and she will have no one to play with.... it's a really SAD thing.....and you will start feeling guilty.... (Well, I have to somehow agree but then again I strongly feel that it's also a very sad thing for the second child if you only plan to have him/her with the sole intention of wanting to have someone to accompany the first)

2) When you die at a young age, what happens if he/she has no siblings to turn to...... (Isn't it worse to have 2 or more children suffering? That's what I think......but of course things would be very different without a sibling and I can vouch for that because I cannot imagine my life without my sister when my mum passed away when I was 8)

3) When you grow old, your only child has to support you and financially it will be a huge burden on him/her..... (Can we still depend on the younger generation to take care of us?.......I am not being pessimistic but it's always better to save up now and have a back up plan) 

4) An only child will be very self-centered and does not know the concept of sharing.... (Depends.....it's really how you nurture them from young, I have known so many children and adults with siblings who are freaking selfish and worse stingy)

5) No matter what..... the emotional well being of an only child will not be as good as compared to a child with sibling(s)... (Rubbish! This is so not true)

6) Imagine, next time if your child has his/her own kid and your husband is the only child, your grandchild might not have cousins...Worse. your grandchild might also decide to have only one child because of your influence....(Wow seriously I admire those who have goals for things that might happen 20 years down the road, for those who have helped me to think so far ahead of time, well I can only say "Thank You" to you haha Le Xin can and will choose how many children she wants to have it's really not my call......bleah :p ) 

7) You are depriving your child a chance to be an older sister/brother (That's true and I can't deny it but that only applies to parents like us who can have a second one but chose not to :p)

8) Your child's childhood will be different from others, your child might even envy those with siblings...(Come on of course it will be different but how sure are you about the envy part.....if you like to envy others you will no matter whether you are an only child or not okay?)

9) What happens if your child die...or what happens if you want to give birth at the later stage of your life and you realise you can't........ (Of course no one should take this sort of things for granted. I know of so many couples who can't give birth or those who have given birth once and can't give birth to another due to some pregnancy complications but seriously what makes you think that I assume I can give birth anytime?  What makes you think that I do not think about death? I worry about my child's health and safety more than you can ever imagine....Le Xin is my life.......I am not worried about no one to depend on but I do worry what happens if she is no longer by my side one day  (Please don't say that I think too much  because my mum passed away when she was very young so I know just how unpredictable life can be but what I wish to express is that I really have no control over life and death and I just wish to cherish every moment I get to spend with her.......I don't wish to have any regrets.....So please don't assume....this type of question is super obnoxious which will really make my jaw drops when I hear them..........Eh and it's not a nice feeling at all at the receiving end so please have some EQ thank you! .......By the way, I am really not kidding. I heard these questions before from a few people in fact)

10) If you only have one, you only collect one ang pow from one family during Chinese New Year and you still have to give that family more when they have more kids than you? And what are you going to do with the toys and clothes that you bought for your first child, you need to give away right? If you have a second child.... he/she can put them on or use them then it won't be put to waste....(Whahahaha this is hilarious to me but I wish to ask that someone do you need me to pass you an abacus? How funny it is to ask me to give birth so that I can pass on the used items to my second one......Good one ya?) 

Whatever it is......人各有志.....To each his own......

I guess everyone is different and all of us have our own preferences...I know I always wanted to have  one child only......but I seriously do not mind having another one too.....It's just that financially I am really tight.....I am not someone who believe in 天生天養.....quality of life is every important to me....I can't just give birth thinking I will have the money from God to provide both my children with good life...Then again, everyone's perception of good life is also different.....Good life is not just in terms of monetary sense but also TIME....If I have two and I need to work doubly hard will I still have the time to spend with my children? I probably have no life for myself too.....no blogging, no facebook, no time to meet my buddies, no time for my hubby, no time to do housework (as if I always do)......Come on is this the kind of life I want to lead? Sorry the answer is NO!

In Singapore, it is indeed difficult to raise our kids because of rising cost of living.....I do not wish to blame the government (I know it will just end up with a long story about LKY. LHL and FT issues duhz....I give up on that....) Well, actually....it's no one fault, somehow things will become more and more expensive, just like how we used to use pager but now we have handphones - Smart phones in fact. We used to think it was so awesome when we have Nitendo player or Game Boy.....and now tell me what's Wii and Xbox when Ipad came along?

It's an ever changing society nothing is cast in iron and stone (Wow I finally remember this! My good friend- ex principal Mrs Wong always tells us that) We can't always expect that a plate of chicken rice is still selling at $1.50 can we? The day Mata stopped wearing shorts and NS men changed their uniform to some ugly pixel green.....we should know that change is inevitable!

So.....be realistic, if you can afford, then have more than 1 and if your can't......don't force yourself, don't be pressured to do so......and most importantly don't need to feel guilty that's my answer to the 10 questions..... For me it's a financial issue and I am never embarrassed to admit it....I have come to terms with it......For others, it might be other issues......the bottom line is to focus on doing WHAT YOU CAN!

Okay so now if my child is an only child what can I do?

1) Play with her not just let her play.....

Le Xin and I having water play together (you are beginning to suspect it was me who wants to play right? ya la ya la shhhhhh!)

Not just me okay? Daddy Scott loves to play with her too and he is forever eyeing at her toys haha :)

2) Engage her with different learning experiences at home.....

Art is probably one of the best things to do......It's good to forget about boring assessment books once in a while

Encouraging your child to have good reading habits...How to sit up right before reading, how to flip the pages, how to take care of the books, how to return the books to the shelf after reading them.....

Exposing them to various types of musical instruments...

2) Allowing your child to explore and just believe how competent she can be!

Baking is a good learning experience....it's okay if your child messes up the kitchen floor!

Chalk Play!

Car ride with Daddy Scott....

Mixing colours as part of experimenting...

3) Enjoying outdoor learning experiences....

Playground time.....

Exploring the park...

Water Play @ Vivocity

Longkang fishing @ Kids Kampong!

Fun at the beach with Wai Gong and Silver @ East Coast Park

Observing fishes @ Under Water World

Enjoying her trip @ Legoland...

4) Getting her involved in taking care of pets...

Feeding Bambi with pellets...

Feeding the tortoises with her cousins

Bringing Snow Snow for a walk...

5) Learning about culture and festivals.....

Chinese New Year

Easter

Lantern Festival

Making Rangoli for Deepavali

Christmas Socks for Christmas!

6) Spending time with relatives and friends.....

Playing with her classmates at school.....Sending her to school early was a right choice for her to develop her social skills!

Spending time with Wai Gong...

Spending time with Mummy T2X...

Spending time with Daddy Scott

Spending time with her cousins at Ah Yi's place...

Spending time with Kaiting Jie Jie....

7) And lastly always ensure that your child has a happy childhood by giving her the necessary freedom, active listening on what she wants to tell you and really allowing her to be A CHILD!

Water painting @ the corridor

Making Goo with cornflour...

Playing with green beans...

Enjoying herself @ The Petite Park

And when you know that you have done your best to provide him/her a happy childhood does it still bothers you if your child is an only child? 

Come on kill that guilt and don't let your life be ruled by other people's expectations of you to give birth to more, they are not you and it's always easier to just pass comments.....

An indication that your child is enjoying her time with you is when you are always motivated to do funny things with her like.......

Messing with her hair.....love this cute pic of hers 4ever!

Cheers to all the mummies and daddies out there who love their child/children for who they are!

Love!